Why I’m bi.

I will explain my emotional investment to bi. I think I’m getting close to my 22nd anniversary of posting this manifesto to my dorm-room door, having it ripped down by vandals, putting it up again, being asked to take it down by an RA, then putting it up behind a plastic poster frame. Over the next ten years, I’d argue against the binary and lose my religion over the binary. I marched on Washington in a protest that reluctantly included bis. I launched a support group, attended support groups, and went to conferences where we picked apart the binary. I spent hours as part of educational activism, saying, “I identify as bisexual, by which, I mean … ” I’ve met lovers because of it, and lost lovers because of it. I’ve talked too many of my friends down from self-harm, and been talked down myself.

And all of that was built on the idea that bi wasn’t straight-but-kinky, wasn’t gay-in-transition, and certainly wasn’t straight+gay. Bi wasn’t on the fence, it wasn’t on the map, because the idea of mapping people’s sexuality in one dimension, two, or six is patently ridiculous. In different contexts, I’m straight, gay, bi, queer, sissy, faggot, MSM, none of the above, and none of your business. Don’t assume I’m attracted to you, don’t assume I’m not. Buy me a cup of coffee and we’ll see.

"Bi" started as the junk drawer of discussions of sexuality, and it still is to some people. We built a community, discovered our literature and history, and had spiritual vistas revealed to us. All of that happened in the previous century, the 1990s.

Defining away bi people, history, literature, politics, and spirituality because we do not match your pet little categorical theory of the definition of words is quintessential biphobia. Certainly not because you have a dictionary. And fuck no if it is based on a cute infographic attempting to further pigeonhole sexuality along a completely new dichotomy, one that oversimplifies sexual and gender identity across the board. Sexuality is not that simple for everyone.

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